Hey Andy,
I’m feeling a little frustrated at work and hope you can help. I kind of feel silly saying this, but I think my boss is playing favorites and it bothers me more than it probably should.
The favorite gets to help with all the cool surgeries. She gets to go to the great CE conferences. If she needs a day off, it never seems to be a problem where I have to beg, borrow, and plead just to get to go to the dentist. If she forgets to call an owner back, my boss lets it go, where the rest of us would get written up.
I know they have worked together for a long time and are friends outside of work, so I don’t know how to approach this. I don’t begrudge them their relationship, but I just want to feel like I am working in a fair environment. What should I do?
–Second Best in Schenectady
Dear S.B.,
Wow, that’s a tough one. It’s hard to feel like you’re putting your best effort in and not getting recognized, when someone else does the same thing and gets all the accolades and benefits of doing a good job. That can be demoralizing and deflating.
In order to figure out what the best approach is in your situation, I think you should take a step back and think about what you can change, and what you can’t. Are there things you can do that will improve your work situation? Let’s talk this through:
1. Talk to Someone You Trust Outside of Work
Everyone could use a little perspective, right? It might be a spouse, a good friend, or someone you know at another clinic who can look at the situation with a detached eye. Sometimes when we are feeling hurt, we see intentions that aren’t there. It’s good to have someone without a horse in the race to say, “Yes, that sounds awful,” or “You know, you might be reading into this.”
On the other hand, don’t use your co-workers as that sounding board. It will just add negativity to the team and your environment, which is the last thing you want. Also, news travels fast through a lot of vet clinics, and when I say “news” I mostly mean gossip. That’s just another problem you don’t need.
2. Observe The Co-Worker with a Positive Eye
You mentioned that your boss and your co-worker are friends, and it’s tempting to evaluate everything through that lens. But is that the only reason she is getting different treatment? Is there another explanation for her work situation versus yours?
If you make an effort to really observe while looking for the good, you may find there are qualities your boss appreciates that you can emulate. Is your co-worker expressing an interest in learning new things? Does she make an effort to find a replacement ahead of time before requesting time off? There may be attributes she exemplifies that can help you as well.
3. Ask For Feedback
You can ask your boss for ways to improve your performance, but make sure your co-worker never enters the conversation. No one likes to be put on the spot, and accusing him or her of playing favorites automatically puts them in a defensive position. It won’t end well.
Instead, list out your goals and ask how you might achieve them. “I’d like to attend more continuing education,” or, “I’d like to learn more about your orthopedic surgeries.” The answers you get will either help you improve, or bring us to our next point:
4. Move Along
While I’m optimistic that the situation you describe can be fixed with communication and work, there are some workplaces where the boss truly has no interest in changing. Hopefully that is not the case here, but if you’ve tried all of the above steps and you’re still not seeing a change, maybe it’s time to dust off your resume and take all your new conflict resolution skills to a place that will appreciate them.
Good luck!
A.R.
