A note for anyone who feels like the world is spinning out of control
These are hard times for people who don’t like change or uncertainty. In the last four weeks there have been radical changes happening to our government, talk of tariffs with Canada and Mexico, a war on anything DEI related, and even talks about how the Gaza strip could be an excellent real estate investment (“The Riviera of the Middle East!”).
Regardless of how you feel about these news stories, no one can argue that they combine to create an uncertain future in almost everyone’s mind. I can’t imagine anyone with credibility confidently nodding their heads and saying “I totally know how all of this will turn out.”
As many of you know, my wife is a scientist and college professor. Recent changes in how science is being supported in this country have thus caused stress in our house as we try to navigate the unknowable future of higher education. Also, our oldest daughter is about to start applying for colleges and rapid changes on college campuses increase the worry any parent would already feel about their kid moving out.
Imagining what higher education will look like in the coming years is therefore not just a theoretical exercise in our house. It is one of those things that has real world implications for us. It’s also one of those things we are almost completely powerless to control.
A few weeks ago, my wife and I were on our weekly date to the grocery store. This trip is a ritual for us. We have some of our best conversations as we walk, distraction free, down each aisle listening to the songs of our youth from overhead speakers. We were ringing our hands about all the things that are completely out of our control when we passed through the frozen food aisle.
I was alarmed when my wife stopped the cart in front of the frozen chicken and grabbed not one but TWO big bags. (As I said, this trip is a ritual for us, and we do not buy frozen chicken. It’s just not what we do.)
“Why are we stopping here?” I asked. “We’re buying frozen chicken because it comes from Mexico and there might be tariffs next week,” she responded.
Before I could process what I was saying, I blurted out “If tariffs happen, will us having two bags of frozen chicken really make a difference?”
This was not the right thing to say.
My wife’s eyes got a bit misty and she spoke to me through gritted teeth: “This is what I can do right now. Just let me have it.”
At that moment, I realized how uncertainty piles up and affects us. None of us can know the future, nor can we pick the challenges we will be required to face. The one comfort we can have is finding the things we can actually do, and then leaning into them.
In that aisle, my wife bought two bags of frozen chicken. It made her feel like she could take some measure of control in a crazy world, and that made her feel better. Honestly, it made both of us feel better. Today, I am going to take a measure of control by looking my wife in the eyes and telling her what she means to me.
That’s right, I wrote to you today to tell you that Valentine’s Day is like the frozen chicken aisle in the grocery store: an opportunity to take control for just a moment and to make something happen that you want to have happen. It’s your chance to demand that the world be a slightly safer and better place, by intentionally and positively impacting someone else.
After I tell my wife what she means to me, I’m going to tell my mother and my daughters what they mean to me as well. (I will also tell my dad what he means to me, but in a much more gruff and manly way). I plan to tell my employees what they mean to me, and possibly my neighbors if I see them walking the dog.
You see, Valentine’s Day should be more than a mini-christmas for Hallmark and fondue restaurants. It should be an opportunity to make the world better by telling people what they mean to you.
I don’t know what will happen in the world in the coming months or years. I know that I can’t make my life or anyone else’s one without uncertainty or discomfort. I don’t have that power. I do have the power, however, to do one little thing, and that’s to make the people around me feel a moment of happiness; to make them feel seen, and to tell them that they matter to me.
You have that power too. Valentine’s Day is just an excuse for you to use it. So… Happy Valentine’s Day! I hope someone tells you that you matter, and that you do that for someone else.
