Jamie Holms, RVT, CPT1

Do you ever have those *headdesk* moments where you just can’t understand why something was branded a certain way? I feel that way about #socialdistancing. Don’t worry, I understand the concept and why it’s important, I’m an asthmatic and my husband is a double-lung transplant patient, I get it. But it doesn’t change that heart-wrenching hurt each time I see or hear #socialdistancing. We need each other more than ever. It’s too late for a rebrand, but I’ve got to hope some of us can think of it differently and that will make an impact. We need physical distancing for sure – I need and you need that curve to flatten out. I need it to be the flat landscape I remember from a childhood road trip across Iowa, where it seemed you could just see forever. But just as much I need that connection of finally arriving at that family reunion that made those days in the car and the miles of flatness worth it all. We need connection in the chaos.

A number of us have already been put into mandatory quarantine while others are waiting for the same. Some of us are working 12-16 hour shifts while others have lost their jobs. What we have in common now is the need for connection and community. How do you connect with people now, when we need it the most and it feels the hardest?  

Here are 5 things I’ve done to find connection in the chaos and I hope that they can help you get your footing in this rapidly changing landscape.

1. Get on the phone.

Yes, the phone (I’ve even done FaceTime) and talked to my family at least once a week. This has been a challenge for me as I don’t like being on the phone or on video. Even 5 minutes has helped me feel connected and I know it’s good for my family, which means I’m helping and that makes it easier to do.

2. Schedule games night by Skype or messenger calls with small groups.

(Need ideas on games to play – here’s a list of 21 https://apppearl.com/games-to-play-over-calls/) The best part about this was that it leads to a lot of laughing, which we all need right now.  I’ve been tempted to host a “Knock-knock Joke Night” but that might end up with me in a laughter induced asthma attack. I tend to not be able to tell jokes because I start laughing in the middle. Here’s my favorite which I can never get through. Why can’t you tell a dog a knock-knock joke? (I just lose it here, I can’t even get to the next part) You: Knock, Knock. Dog: BARK, BARK, BARK! (I know, it’s so ridiculous, but it makes me laugh so hard).

3. Virtually exchange recipes with friends.  

Ingredients:
2 Premade frozen pie crusts
1 Can chicken (not drained)
1 Can cream of chicken soup
1/2 Cup milk
1.5 Cups frozen mixed vegetables
Salt and pepper to taste

Instructions:
Prepare one pie crust as directed on the package for baking. Thaw the second pie crust. Mix soup, milk and canned chicken together. Mix in frozen vegetables. Spoon into prepared crust. Top with the second pie crust thawed. Use a fork to seal the crust by pressing the edges together. Use a fork to poke holes in the crust. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes or until the crust is golden brown.

4. Write thank you cards that have been very long overdue.

I’ve been combining this with crafting which has been helping my brain stay healthy. I’ve been doing quick doodles or small watercolor paintings on the cards I’m sending out. To be clear, my brother is a world-renowned graphic artist and I am not, but I do love to art and I love it when people share their art with me.  

5. Talk to my neighbors from the porch.

This was a lot more fun than I anticipated. I love that our fences are short and chainlink. I think that I’d feel a lot more isolated if I couldn’t see my neighbors in their yards spreading mulch and I’d sure miss the opportunity to talk to them about gardening.

While we are staying 6-feet apart, let us find ways to find the social connection in the chaos and grow closer together. What’s working to help you to stay connected today?  

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the position of the DrAndyRoark.com editorial team.

The holidays are hard. The hospital is busy, you are busy, and everyone has expectations of how the holidays are supposed to be. Notoriously, it’s also the season for goal setting, reflection, and resolutions. The combination can be more than anyone should have to face but we struggle to do it every year and it’s often a topic of conversation around the cookie and candy-laden conference tables in hospitals, after all, it’s the perfect setting to talk about losing 10lbs starting January 1st.

I’m going to invite you to bring a different vibe to the process this year, in fact, I challenge you to bring this to your December or January team meetings. We are going to make this simple, positive, and fun.

Write a list of 10 or more things you DID in 2019.  

This can be big or small, work or personal. A few things from my accomplished in 2019 list include:  swimming with manta rays in Hawaii, reading two or more books per month, road trip to the Grand Canyon, and finally doing the touch-up paint in the house. Yes, your accomplishments can include vacations, being there for baseball practice, and household projects that got finished (and that can include hiring someone to do the work). Spend a few minutes with this completed list and feel the accomplishment. You did well. 

Write a list of 3 things you wanted to do but didn’t in 2019.

This can be big or small, work or personal. The items on my not accomplished in 2019 list are:  Following through on an exercise program for three months, completing the Neil Gaiman Master Class, and setting a personal budget. Take a few minutes to look at this list and really consider three things. First, do they all fit into a particular category? For me, they all fit into wellbeing, physical, creative, and financial wellbeing. Second, ask yourself if you made progress on any of them.  If you did, celebrate the progress. Third, ask yourself if they still matter to you. If they don’t. Let them go. If they do, then ask yourself who can help you accomplish those things.

Write a list 10 or more things you want to DO in 2020

Don’t limit yourself here. This can be big or small, work or personal. A few things from my want to do in 2020 include completing a sleep study, reading two or more books a month, and increasing my flexibility in order to touch my toes.

Use Categories to create your list

You’ll notice that these happen to fall into wellbeing – because clearly that’s important to me so I made sure to dedicate a chunk of my want-to-do list to that. Some other specific categories that you might want to consider are Personal, Professional, Home, Family, Friends, Finance, and Fun. 

Pick 10 to 20 things for your 2020 List

Try to include something from every category on your list, something easy, something hard, something you love, and something new! 

Share your list

Share your list! If you can share your list with your teammates, friends, and/or family you’ll have the encouragement of others and a little positive peer pressure. Nothing is more helpful than that random text message or phone call asking how you’ve done on scheduling that vacation for the first time in five years! I love to borrow from the lists of friends. What did I borrow for 2020?  I’m so glad you asked. I’m writing a thank you card a week in 2020 rather than just journaling about gratitude. I think I’ll start with you. Thank you for reading and for being willing to try something new, to encourage others, and most of all, for being proud of yourself.

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the position of the DrAndyRoark.com editorial team.

As a trauma survivor, I live with C-PTSD. It is a little different than PTSD but the impact on my daily life is similar. The C stands for complex or chronic and it gets put there when the traumatic event wasn’t singular, when it was long term, like growing up in a war zone. One of the biggest differences is that when singular traumatic events happen, we usually recognize them as aberrations from “normal.” When trauma is chronic, we think it is “normal.”

Techniques I developed to survive my situation were both conscious and subconscious.  As is true for most children, I didn’t have a lot of control over what happened in my life. Conscious coping, Organizational System Building: I controlled everything I could, from how to fold the clothes I had, to my school work. Until I received appropriate care in my late thirties, I’d never slept through the night in my life. Subconscious coping, Insomnia: It’s not safe to sleep.

Our coping mechanisms get us through things we might not otherwise be able to on our own. It’s what allows mothers to sleep four hours a night through their child’s infancy. They are mental, physical, and emotional. I’m sure we can all think of coping mechanisms that are recognized as unhealthy. It will be a little more difficult to shift your perspective to look for skills in your coping mechanisms.

One of the things I do really well because it was a survival strategy, is organize. In fact, I do it so well, that people actually pay me to fill out and turn in paperwork for them. Can you look at the strategies you’ve developed to make it and determine which of them are skills? Are you using those to your advantage? Having trouble? Ask someone who knows you really well and ask them what you do best, what skill is uniquely you.

I’ve learned through the years to acknowledge and honor my coping strategies. The unhealthy ones have been difficult to move past, but the truth is, my relationship with a number of them doesn’t serve me now. It’s alright for relationships to change and grow. What relationships do you have with yourself that isn’t working for you anymore? That question can throw people, so here’s another way to ask it. Where in your life are you standing in your own way? And then, how can you use the strategies that are working to help you get out of your own way?

Our disorders, our diagnosis, our trauma, our careers don’t define us. We define ourselves. We are the way forward, for ourselves and for each other.

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the position of the DrAndyRoark.com editorial team.