A note for anyone who is worried someone else will get picked for that special thing
Last week I wrote about influencers delivering continuing education. I found the response to that piece very interesting. No one, of course, thinks people who aren’t qualified to teach material should be put on stage. A subset of people, however, seemed to really focus on how limited the number of opportunities can feel and the importance of “being picked.”
The unfortunate truth of continuing education opportunities is that if one person is invited to present at a conference, that means some other people are not. If a little vet seminar has one speaking slot and they fill it with a local technician who has built a thriving rehabilitation center, then they are not going with any of the boarded veterinary specialists who would like that spot. That’s just the reality of working with limited time, resources, and space. When there is only one opportunity available, most people aren’t going to get it and that’s sad.
The same is true when we apply for a job others want, court the person we want to date (Yes! People still court each other!), try out for a sports team or theater production, or audition for a choir or improv team.
When a pet owner I have previously seen comes to the clinic and decides to see a different doctor, I can’t help but feel like I’m not being chosen. My oldest daughter is about to start applying to colleges and the one she really loves has an acceptance rate of less than 10%! For every kid who gets to go there, nine others will be turned down. I’m terrified my baby’s heart might be broken by not being chosen. It’s brutal.
Of course we all want to know that choices about who gets opportunities are being made in a fair manner. Unfortunately, even if all things could magically be made fair, life would still be full of instances where we don’t get picked. There are simply too many people in the world for us to get all the opportunities we might like to have.
To that end, I want to talk about what happens when we don’t get picked. Here goes:
One of the biggest career killers I see is waiting to be chosen, and one of the most guaranteed paths to unhappiness is putting the power to make us feel worthy or unworthy into someone else’s hands. The number of talented people who simply never got started on their dream because no one gave them the opportunity is truly depressing.
However, one of the great truths about the modern world is that never before have we had so much power to choose ourselves. If someone doesn’t want to date us, we can meet a thousand more people online. If someone doesn’t want to hire us, we can find somewhere else to work or start our own business. If someone doesn’t want us on their sports team, we can start our own team. And if someone doesn’t want to invite us to teach at their conference, we can just teach at our own clinic, the local pre-vet club, or online.
What I’ve found over time is that the best way to “get picked” is to already be doing the thing you want to be chosen for.
I am not so naive as to pretend opportunities don’t matter. They do. I strongly believe, however, that we choose how much power we allow selection processes to have over us. We decide if a selection committee is the end of our road, a significant setback, or something we hardly notice because we are busy forging our own trail.
Please do not live a life waiting for someone to pick you. Please do not wait to start the thing you are excited about until you get a formal invitation, and please don’t take every rejection as a devastating barrier to your goals.
When you don’t get picked, go a different route. Use your network to find different opportunities. Make your art and put it online. Start your own practice. Publish your own book. Form your own group. Create your own program.
I know there’s a good chance my daughter won’t get picked for the school she wants to go to, and if that happens it will break my heart… but only because I know how sad it will make her. She will find her way regardless of whether this admissions committee gives her an invitation or not. She’ll make her own path forward and continue to grow herself as a person. She doesn’t need to be chosen to be happy or successful.
No matter what you are passionate about, your work will not always be embraced. Yes, things probably would be easier if someone else just gave you the opportunity you wanted, but that often won’t happen. Now, what are you going to do about it?
No one can stop you from practicing your skills, improving yourself, impacting our profession, or helping others. Don’t wait to be picked.
