A note for anyone who feels like the world is becoming one big sales pitch
This holiday season, I’m grateful for all the things that still feel authentic. I’m talking about the bits of life that are not synthetic, digitalized, or performative; the experiences and interactions that are not designed to scale, carry advertisements, entice us to keep scrolling, collect our data, generate followers, or put money into the pockets of billionaires or investors.
Don’t get me wrong here. It’s not that I’m opposed to those things existing or even to enjoying them sometimes (I mean, who doesn’t enjoy a blockbuster movie, some algorithm-fed entertainment, or a bit of trashy reality TV every now and then?). Today though, I’m simply grateful for the wonderful things in life that feel both grounding and genuine.
A few nights ago, I took my oldest daughter to see a play in a local blackbox theater. As the college kids in the cast sang their hearts out, I couldn’t help but realize how none of this was being recorded. There was no online audience streaming the performance, the intermission wasn’t brought to you by a sponsor, the scenes were not being produced in a way that would allow mass distribution, and no one outside the theater would ever witness exactly what was happening on this night. The play was happening only for the people who were physically there, and there was no expectation that any of us would “like and subscribe.” It all felt refreshingly special and real.
The next day, I was in the exam room talking to a lady who owned a black cat. As we spoke, she leaned on the exam table with her cat tucked under her arm as if it was a handbag. The cat’s golden-yellow eyes never left me as her owner bounced and gyrated, talking excitedly and making big gestures with her other hand. My favorite part of the appointment was the fact that the cat’s owner was wearing a yellow baseball cap that had an exact replica of her black cat’s face right in the center of it, complete with yellow eyes.
As I talked to this woman, I was again filled with the feeling that I was seeing something truly authentic. This woman really loves her cat. I don’t think she was wearing the hat because she was coming to see the veterinarian. I think she was wearing it because she wears it all. the. time.
As far as I know, this cat is not an influencer and is not trying to be one. The woman made no attempt to convince me of how much she cares for her kitty, or how great she thinks her pet is. I just know that she believes these things because of the feeling of authenticity that she radiated our entire time together. When I think about pet owners who love their pets, I have no doubt that this person should be on my list – and it’s partly because she did absolutely nothing to try to convince me. She just presented as her authentic self and it showed.
Moments like these – those of unmonetized, un-strategized, unreproducible connections – are precious, and we should recognize and hold onto them. Today, I’m deeply grateful for the people who show up as themselves, the helpful acts that aren’t meant to generate attention, the kindnesses that aren’t intended to boost a net promoter score or make a sale, and the moments that are shared between people with no outside spectators.
These are the windows through which we really see each other as humans. Moments of authenticity are where we are reminded of the power we have to lift up another person in a truly altruistic way. It is through the acts that are not meant for anyone outside the room that we can be sure of our own motivations. When we seek no secondary objectives, we can be certain that we do what we do out of love, kindness, and desire for genuine self-expression. We know our actions are not because we want some return on investment for our performance. That is the authenticity I am grateful for today.
