Jessica Vogelsang DVM

Over a decade ago, I visited friends up in Georgia, and they served sautéed asparagus with dinner. I made a joke about asparagus pee, and my friend said, “Oh, I don’t get that. People talk about it, but I’ve never had it”.

We spent the next few minutes in a cheerful (and dinner inappropriate) conversation about the likelihood that someone didn’t produce the odor and how Mother Nature really seemed to have a lot of time on her hands to create peculiarities such as this one.  Years later, I read an article hypothesizing that everyone produces the odor, but some people simply can’t smell it.  This would explain everything, but as usual, there is controversy over the real answer.

Fast-forward to a local veterinary dinner where asparagus was on the menu. Once I got home, inspiration hit me in the bathroom. I remembered that I had been having a conversation with a colleague about how it is that some people (employees, spouses, kids) ignore messes and problems and others are constantly cleaning them up.

In talking to veterinary professionals, it’s a theme I hear over and over again. It’s a source of frustration and resentment to many. So I began to wonder: is this a production problem or a detection problem? Do some people just not “see” the things that need to be done or are they inherently lazy? I’m sure there’s no simple answer, but I have devised a test that can diagnose the problem AND help solve it.

Veterinary professionals tend to be natural caretakers. We don’t have to be asked to take care of people or pets, we just do it. Most of us are organized and efficient at getting things done. Some of us even take it a step too far and insist upon micromanaging those around us. We frequently declare that it’s easier to do it ourselves than explain it. In short, we end up burning ourselves out trying to manage everything on our own.

Asking for help doesn’t come naturally to us. Some of us even refuse to let our credentialed nurses do their job, so on top of everything we should be doing, we’re placing catheters, pulling blood, and in general annoying our coworkers.

At home, it’s a little different. Being taken care of is a luxury, so it’s easy for our families to allow us to do so, especially when we’re hell-bent on doing it anyway. After a while, cooking, cleaning, and managing everyone’s schedules while trying to work a stressful job becomes too much for us.

We can’t understand why people who are supposed to love and care for us use us this badly.  We say things like, “I don’t understand how it never occurred to you to start dinner” or “I have to do everything around here”. We end up resentful, frustrated, and hurt. We think maybe being a spouse or a parent isn’t for us. We fantasize about running away and living alone. In the rare event that someone offers to help us, we will (for no good reason) turn them down.

Here’s the deal: if you ask for help, odds are you will get it. There you go, that’s the fancy test. If you expect that because you’re not home, someone will realize that they should start dinner, you will be disappointed and angry.

If you take 2 seconds to text “hey, I’m going to be late tonight can you start dinner?”, you might just walk in the house to amazing smells and a hot dinner on your plate. It would seem that the choice would be obvious, right? So why do we resist?

I know you want someone to take care of you the way you take care of EVERYONE else. I promise you, letting go of that fantasy will make you happier in the long run. Don’t expect anyone to read your mind. Ask for what you want. People who truly love and care for you will help you out if it’s feasible. If your spouse gets home and puts their feet up and refuses to start dinner even after you ask – perhaps some reevaluation of that relationship and a long talk are in order.

While you’re changing your behavior to make yourself happier, remember to pick your battles. If the towels the kids folded don’t meet at the corners, try closing the closet door and being grateful that you didn’t have to fold them. If you threw them in a wrinkly pile in the corner, they’d still absorb the same amount of water from your body. Let it go.

Your homework for today is to start asking for help and stop turning down offers of help. Put your feet up occasionally and let capable people fend for themselves. Start with small things and work your way up to the big ones. Assume the best about those around you until they prove you wrong. Then consider if maybe they need to be unhelpful somewhere else.

Consider this – why are you so worried about making the people around you angry when you are angry at them all the time??  Put your foot down and set some boundaries.  We are our own worst enemies, and that has to stop if we want to be happy.

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the position of the DrAndyRoark.com editorial team.

You ever have one of those moments where you immediately wish you could go back in time two minutes and grab your iPhone? I just had one of those this weekend.

I am really good at listing all my faults (sound familiar?) so I decided to turn them into a series of talks because misery loves company and we are definitely a group who tends towards the hyper-critical. I was talking to a group of veterinary hospice professionals at the IAAHPC annual meeting about the seven bad habits we keep kicking ourselves in the butt with, over and over and over. One of those habits, one with which I am unfortunately all too familiar, is fear. We are human, and fear is a survival instinct, but it should not be a default state of mind. Yet here we are – we fear a lot of things:

• Obvious ones, of course, death and pain. This is reasonable, right? No one wants pain and death is generally frowned upon.
• Yelp reviews
• Disappointing people
• Failure (Oh, I could go on about this one for a long time too! Seriously, we are so hard on ourselves)
• Change

Let’s focus on that last one for now. Fear of change is real and it’s paralyzing. There is a well known phenomenon in human psychology called “status quo bias”. In a nutshell, it means we are hardwired to prefer what we have right in front of us over making a change, even if it’s likely to benefit us, because we fear it just might be worse than what we have now. It’s why we don’t try the new restaurant down the road, why we stick with the same brand of car forever (my Dad’s a Toyota guy), and in our case, why we stick in horrible jobs that suck the life out of us. We know Option A is bad, but Option B might be bad, and at least with Option A I know what to expect.

I read this type of thing all the time, as do you, I’m sure:

“Help! Not sure if I should leave my job or not. I was hired in a five doctor practice and then three of them left so it’s just me and the boss. Every morning he chains me to the surgery table and plays death metal if I’m not working fast enough. This continues until I’m done, usually 22 hours later. As I leave, he hands me a list of all the ways I annoyed him over the course of the day and for reasons unknown insists on calling me Dr. Dopeyhead. I go home and cry for two hours and then come back in. Am I being whiny?”

And you think to yourself, “RUN GIRL – OMG – RUN FAR AND FAST!” because from the outside, this is clearly a terrible, terrible work environment. But the person hesitates:

“I don’t know, yeah, he’s terrible and abusive but I have so many student loans, and I’m worried I won’t be able to find another job, and that one might be just as bad, and I don’t know he does occasionally buy us stale bagels so maybe I should wait it out….”

That, my friends, is fear talking. Status quo bias in action. The fear of what might be, in our heads, is riskier than the nightmare reality right in front of us so we just stay where we are, miserable.

I remember leaving my last full time clinic job. It wasn’t abusive, I just needed to make some changes for my own personal health. I felt terrible. I remember crying, feeling like I was going to vomit, thinking I was going to doom my kids to the poorhouse. Above all I remember feeling selfish– as in, how dare I make a decision about my own well being rather than that of my family? Won’t my boss be disappointed I’m leaving them high and dry? (She was totally supportive, by the way.) But I did it anyway, and I am so, so glad I did because lots of good things happened. I don’t regret it one bit.

So back to the conference. I look out into the room, and I asked, “Has anyone here ever left a toxic work environment?” I expected maybe half the room to raise their hands. It was closer to 90%. Hand after hand, a sea of arms in the air.

Then I said, “Have any of you looked back and thought to yourself, man, I regret leaving?”

Not a single one.

I stood there floored by what I just witnessed, and then immediately got mad I didn’t have my camera because it was so striking to see that contrast, and no one else in the room got to see it from my vantage point because they were sitting in the middle of it. Here, let me recreate it for you:

YES! I TOO HAD A TOXIC WORK ENVIRONMENT!

And no, I would never in a million years choose to go back.

Isn’t that the way of the world? You can’t see it, when you’re in the middle of the turmoil and the anxiety, that life can and does get better for those who choose to leave. That no job is worth existing in a constant state of panic and dread. We allow the our fear of what might happen keep us from escaping what is happening right around us, every day.

It’s hard to get over that hump, and by hard I mean “excruciating.” I get it. But if you’re trying, and keep running into that seemingly insurmountable level of fear that you can’t seem to overcome yourself, I want you to conjure up that image I couldn’t provide for you because I didn’t know it was coming. Because this is the truth:

The entire collective experience of veterinary medicine will tell you that the change is well worth the chance.

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the position of the DrAndyRoark.com editorial team.

Leadership: it’s a quality that some are born with. Some have to learn it. And it should always be something that those who have it improve upon. When you think of a leader I know many of you will think of bosses you have had in your career. It’s very important to recognize the difference between a leader and a boss. A boss is someone who tells you a task to do and you do it.

Often your actions are fear based. You may do demanded tasks because you fear being fired or you fear being reprimanded. A leader is someone who gives you tasks and makes you WANT to do them. They have a vision that they share with you and you identify with it. Leaders also provide tools and communication to accomplish those goals.

What makes a leader? There are definitely people who have a natural talent for drawing people around them. They may be charismatic, animated and seem to see the way to solve problems that may not be obvious to others. Some are thrown into a leadership position.

These people have to continue to refine and build on certain qualities. Every leader should realize that they are only as strong as they can build their team to be. Leaders care about the big picture and use their influence to get others to see it as well. As a leader there are certain qualities one should possess or focus on.

Education

A true leader realizes that none of us ever stop learning, especially in veterinary medicine. Leaders need to be educated to understand the medicine and processes of what we do. We have to be able to understand that but never lose the spark to find better ways to do them. This means implementing new protocols, medications and treatment plans and why they would be more beneficial to the patient/client.

A boss will say “This is how we have always done it.” A leader will say “What can we do to make things better?” A leader is excited about obtaining knowledge and sharing it with the team.

Confidence

A leader must be confident. No one will take someone who doubts themselves as a leader. Many are born with innate confidence that they exude by just walking into a room. Some of us struggle. We have doubts, insecurities and question if we are doing what’s right for the team.

It’s ok for us to have those doubts, just don’t let them take up too much space. It’s normal and human for people to question themselves. But remember that if you are a leader you got there for a reason. Learn to trust your gut.

Communication

Leaders have to talk in a way that others understand. We have to identify what motivates each team member and how they communicate. We need to be aware that one thing can be perceived 100 different ways by 100 different people. Leaders have to be able to verbally articulate goals and tasks. This means changing our methods of communication and finding what motivates each team member.

Some people are motivated by praise. Some are motivated by simply accomplishing tasks. Some are motivated by just getting through the day. None of these motivations are wrong. They are just different. For any leader I highly recommend looking into Meyers-Briggs. Finding our personality type and learning how to communicate with various other personality types gives us a leg up.

Humility

A true leader knows that sometimes we are wrong. Sometimes we have to apologize. We realize that our achievements are based on the work of our team. We appreciate. We thank. We let our staff know how important they are to building on a common vision. We own our victories and more importantly our mistakes. We cannot be boastful and we cannot buy into excessive pride. We aren’t too good to clean kennels, pick up a broom or poop scoop the yard. We lead by example and no one wants to follow a know it all.

So whether you are a natural born leader or thrown into the position, please realize that YOU have the impact to create amazing things in your clinic. You have the ability to create strong bonds within your team. By building trust and respect amongst your team, you not only can create a great work dynamic, you can create future leaders. The actions you do every day make a huge impact. You can be kind yet firm. Forgiving yet allow people to learn from their mistakes. Those that learn from you can share that within your clinic or in throughout their lives. Never underestimate the change you make in the world. It is no small task, but I know you can do it!

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jade is a licensed technician of 9 years who lives in Port Orchard, Washington. She enjoys emergency and critical cases, dentistry and creating a bond with her clients and team. During her off time she is busy keeping up with her two crazy Basenjis!

I had to tell an owner that his best friend was dying last week.  He brought his 11 year old dog to see me for coughing after exercise.  Prior to going into the room, I reviewed his history and noted a murmur was diagnosed over a year ago.  I walked into that room with congestive heart failure on the top of my list.  I was greeted by a happy Aussie and a bright eyed owner.

When I listened to the heart, I immediately knew this was not a cardiac issue.  The murmur was no louder than it was when it first was diagnosed and lungs sounded clear.   I knew this had to be a respiratory problem and to be honest I thought it was a URI.  Something didn’t add up, so I suggested chest x-rays.  The owner authorized the images and as I held down the pedal to take the x-ray, I said out loud, “Please don’t break my heart.”  The image came up on the screen and the chest was full of metastatic cancer.

I remember feeling an instance of pride.  Pride for trusting my instinct. And pride because for the first time in my four years being out of veterinary school, I felt “experienced.”  Experienced enough to recognize the unlikeliness that this was a cardiac issue and most likely a respiratory condition.  And further experience to be concerned that this was more than an upper respiratory infection.

But the short instance of pride was quickly replaced by shame.  I thought to myself, how can I feel pride when I see an x-ray full of cancer?  How did I almost talk myself into thinking this was a URI and almost let the owner not take the radiograph?  Why do I deserve to feel “good” when this man is filled with so much sadness and grief?  

This case shows my internal struggle with black and white thinking and perfectionism.  This is a classic example of just how destructive these thought processes are to my sense of self and confidence.  Instead of recognizing in the moment that I could in fact feel pride and sadness at the same time, I quickly went to the emotion that made the most sense.  Cancer is “bad” so I must feel an emotion that is “bad”.  Pride is not a “bad” emotion so shame seems more appropriate.

I am not suggesting that I should have paraded around the owner with a giant smile on my face saying, “See, this is exactly why I wanted to take an x-ray! Aren’t I just amazing for recognizing that your dog didn’t have a URI.  Instead he is dying!” That insanely invalidating and insensitive approach would be the same as sitting alone in my shame.

Empathizing with the owner’s grief was extremely important and necessary at that time.  I truly did feel sadness and my heart did break when I saw the tears in his eyes.  At the same time, I recognized that for my own sense of self and sanity, I had to come back to the emotion of pride.   So I came home that evening and I wrote.  I went through the thought process to see why I pushed the pride far away.  And as I outlined above it was because that feeling didn’t seem appropriate.

A similar situation to the case above and one that I think most veterinarians can relate to is when we have a puppy exam following a euthanasia.  The dichotomy of these appointment types leads to even more conflicting thoughts.  At one moment we are asked to humanely end life, while owners see their family member take their last breath. While the next moment we are laughing in a room, getting puppy kisses.  And exactly how many of us stop in between those two appointments and take a breath and recognize our grief?   We may not have the time right then and there to reflect but we MUST come back to feel that emotion or eventually the feelings we avoid will destroy us.

I attribute the high suicide rate in our field because most of us avoid feeling or more appropriately we choose what to feel and ignore other uncomfortable feelings.  Avoiding the feelings doesn’t erase them.  We owe it to ourselves to learn to live in the grey area; to experience two conflicting emotions at the same time and to be okay with the discomfort of the dichotomy.

So I look back on that day I diagnosed metastatic lung cancer in that sweet dog, and I think “Good job Emily for taking radiographs and finding the answer to why he was coughing. The diagnosis sucks!  With that simple diagnostic though that YOU recommended, the family can enjoy the last few weeks of his life to the fullest.”  Now I can comfortably say during that moment I felt both sadness AND pride.  That is the power of AND: it does not minimize one emotion in order to validate another.  Instead it allows both opposing emotions to be true.

About the Author

Dr. Emily Williams is a small animal veterinarian in Denver, Colorado. She enjoys writing, crafting and watching TV curled up on the couch. Her current aspiration is to master mindfulness so that she can fully be present and accepting in everything she does in and out of the veterinary field.

This content is sponsored by Petplan. 

Yuck mouth. Doggie breath. Stinky McStinkface. As we all know, dental disease is one of the most prevalent diseases in veterinary medicine. We often see pets at the far end of the spectrum when the mouth is little more than a cave of purulent concrete, but it doesn’t have to be that way. One of our main mandates in the field is helping clients practice more early preventive care to avoid these painful end-stage mouths.

But dental disease doesn’t have to be a yawner. In honor of National Pet Dental Health Month, we’ve teamed up with Petplan to bring you a quiz that answers the age-old question: What’s YOUR spirit dental disease?

While DrAndyRoark.com has received compensation for this post from Petplan, all opinions expressed are those of the DrAndyRoark.com editorial team.

I don’t think the majority of irresponsible pet owners intentionally set out to frustrate us. Some of these pet owners just want to live their dream of owning a special breed or rescuing animals in dire need. But in those quick decisions we get clients that don’t understand how much money it takes to really care for those pets.

Becoming a pet owner should never be as easy as a decision to have soup or a sandwich. To us, when you make that decision you have made a lifelong commitment. And when you abandon that commitment or unintentionally harm that commitment, we feel like failures. Having a pet is a big decision and doing the research can make that decision a responsible one versus an irresponsible one.

Here is a checklist that can help you decide if pet ownership is the right decision for you at this point in your life:

1. Research your breed! You may want a beautiful Weimaraner but live in a small one bedroom apartment and work 16 hours a day. This decision can impact your relationship with your pet and your pocketbook since the majority of these cases need to be put on anxiety medications and need special training.

2. Budget for basic needs for that pet. Too many times have I seen a 2000 dollar dog come in for vaccines and the owner cannot afford the basics because they spent all their money on the dog.

3. Save money and realize that a Pomapoo or Puggle or whatever other “designer” breed you want is just a mutt and should never cost as much as a purebred dog. In fact, continuing to buy these dogs just perpetuates the breeding of them, which is only helping the “breeders” pocketbook.

4. Make sure you have enough time to invest in training your new dog or puppy, especially if you have small children. Too many animals are given away because they “nipped” at the child because they weren’t properly trained (both child and dog).

5. Every pet should be on heartworm prevention, flea and tick prevention, and visit the vet annually for vaccines and a checkup. We see so many dogs come in multiple times per year for parasite flare-ups or flea dermatitis when the cost of prevention is much less than having to treat the repercussions infestations.

6. Have an emergency plan! Things happen and unfortunately emergencies cost money. We recommend either investing in pet insurance early or having a credit card specifically for pet emergencies.  We know not everyone can afford the highest standard of medicine, but basic care doesn’t have to break the bank.

7. Take advice from pet stores, friends, online blogs, etc with a grain of salt. Unless these people are veterinarians, their advice can actually harm your pet. I have seen blogs claiming that coconut oil cures cancer; this is simply infuriating and wrong. Be smart with the advice you take.

8. Don’t think that a pocket pet or reptile will be an easier choice of pet. These animals need a lot of monitoring, specific expensive equipment and food, and in general can be harder to keep healthy.

9. The pet you choose is not a throwaway animal. If you constantly move and are unsure about if you will be able to keep your pet throughout your life, then it might be best not to adopt that pet. Too many animals wind up in shelters because owners have to move away or can’t take the pet with them.

10. Save money for spaying and neutering! If your pet doesn’t come spayed or neutered before you adopt it please be a smart owner and get it done as soon as you can. You can prevent pregnancy, certain types of cancers, and emergencies like pyometras (infection of the uterus).

These are only a few guidelines but they can really help you decide if you are ready for pet ownership. We hate to see animals suffer because owners did not think about their decisions. We are here to help you make the best decision you can for the animal you adopt.

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the position of the DrAndyRoark.com editorial team.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR 

Dr. Nicole Palumbo is a 2012 graduate from University of Illinois. She is originally from the south side of Chicago but chose to move to Northwest Pennsylvania for her first job out of veterinary school, where she currently is still employed. She works with small animals, exotics, and also volunteers her time at the local wildlife rescue, typically performing surgeries and exams on the many raptors that are admitted to the facility. With time she hopes to focus more time on wildlife medicine and also obtain specialization in feline medicine.