Cherie Buisson, DVM, CHPV

No matter how much I lecture on the subject, I have trouble convincing veterinary professionals (including myself!) to practice good self-care. So, my dogs Frieda and Schatzie are going to see if a dose of cuteness will help cure what ails you. I assure you, they know what they’re talking about. These are some seriously happy, care-free dogs!

1. Get plenty of sleep

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2. Drink water all day long

3. Meditate, do yoga, or just breathe deeply

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4. Exercise – by yourself or with a friend.

5. Ask for what you need

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6. Have a hobby

7. Speak up when someone crosses your boundaries.

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8. Whether they are a friend, colleague or therapist, have someone you can trust with your secrets.

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9. Spend quality time with the ones you love – and that includes time by yourself.

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10. Be grateful for all that you have and all that you have learned.

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Please take care of yourselves. You are important.

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the position of the DrAndyRoark.com editorial team.

My antidote to the mess that is veterinary medicine is quilting. It’s a hobby filled with beauty and creativity. Though I may be covered in thread and fuzz at the end of a project, it’s nothing like the bodily fluids and smells that come with being a veterinarian. If you read about quilting (I’m sure you’re all lining up to do so), you’ll find a common thread (of course pun intended): We quilters are terrible at receiving compliments. If you compliment a quilt, the quilter will almost certainly point out all the mistakes present in their project.

Nice person: Wow! That’s a beautiful quilt!

Quilter: That’s sweet. Let me point out to you all the mistakes I made which you wouldn’t even notice if it weren’t for my help.

These types of situations are often classified as false modesty. It’s assumed that the person is really proud of the object of the compliment but is putting on a show. Personally, I don’t see that nearly as much as I see someone who just can’t believe that they are worthy of praise. How sad that we feel obliged to put a stop to someone trying to make us feel good.

I made a pact with myself when I started A Happy Vet to accept compliments sincerely and gracefully. As a business person, telling someone who is impressed with my lecture that they are blind/deaf/stupid, is really counterproductive. I decided that if someone complimented me, I would smile and say “thank you”. Because I’m not very good at separating my personal and professional life, I vowed to make this a general rule.

Then a funny thing happened – as I accepted compliments with gratitude, I became happier and more confident. It was as if my brain heard me say “thank you” and assumed that what the person was saying about me was true! Over time, I’ve found it easier and easier to genuinely enjoy the kindness others have shown me.  When I thank someone for saying something kind, I remember it better as well. Those positive comments stick with me for longer because I accepted them rather than brushing them off.

I know that when I compliment someone and they sincerely thank me, I think better of them than I do when they sidestep or minimize the praise. I perceive them as confident and kind. I want to be around them because they are so positive.

The next time someone pays you a compliment, respond automatically with a big smile and say “thank you”.  Even if you don’t believe what they are saying is true, accept that compliment with grace and humility. Look them in the eye. Shake their hand.  They went out of their way to be nice to you. There is way too little of that in the world today. If their compliment lights you up, be sure to tell them so. Wouldn’t you love it if you paid someone a compliment and they said “Wow, thanks! That really makes me feel good!”?  A positive response makes the person feel rewarded for approaching you.

It isn’t our job to refute a compliment. A compliment is all about perception. If someone else perceives that you are terrific, or beautiful or smart, who are you to say they are wrong? I challenge you to accept all compliments paid for the next 30 days. Put your heart into it, and give thanks enthusiastically. Then let me know at the end of that month, whether you feel an increased sense of self-worth. I think you’ll find you feel better about yourself and your fellow human beings. Maybe something good will come your way because you accepted the right compliment from the right person.  Who knows what kind of wonderful connections could be made with simple acknowledgement and gratitude?

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the position of the DrAndyRoark.com editorial team.

When I was in college, I went to north Georgia for a holiday weekend.  I’d never seen mountains and was eager to scratch that item off my bucket list. As luck would have it, I arrived at night when the mountains were invisible against the dark sky. I awoke the next morning and peeped through the window, thrilled to finally say I’d seen a mountain. From the daylight basement, I got a decent view of some grass and bushes – oh, and a fence! – but no mountains.

I ran upstairs and outside, only to be disappointed again. When I expressed my frustration to my host, she failed to hide her smile behind her coffee cup.

“Honey, you can’t see the mountains from here because you are in them.”

I felt like an idiot. My gracious host loaded me up in the car. We drove down the mountain, and I finally, finally got my wish.

They were smaller than I thought they’d be.

So it is with the terrain of our minds. When we are immersed in our problems, we can’t see them clearly. Nor can we see their actual size. It’s only when we come down from Stress Mountain that we can put everything into perspective.

We do that for our patients. Our medical record is sometimes called a SOAP (subjective, objective, assessment, plan). I like that acronym because organizing the patient in this way really cleans up the picture.

The next time you are “in the mountains”, SOAP your situation. Write down what you’re thinking and feeling and then look objectively at why. For instance, you’re feeling short-tempered and exasperated at work. You’re aggravated when you get home. You feel overwhelmed and alone in your struggle.

If you look carefully at your day, you’ll likely see cases that were difficult or didn’t work out the way you’d hoped. You might see a case where a lot of research needed to be done, and you didn’t feel like you had the time.  While you worried about those cases, everything else you had to do seemed annoying. The root of your anger at work was anxiety. When you get home, there are many things to be done. Perhaps you typically do them while your family accomplishes their own tasks.  You don’t ask for help and are irritated when none is offered.  You’ve not set boundaries out loud but are upset when people step over them.

If you remember that the only person you can control is you, the solution is to change your own behavior.  AHA!  We have a (P)lan!  Here are some possibilities:

1. Get to work early, leave for lunch later, or stay after to do research and catch up
2. Ask a colleague if they’ve seen similar cases and what they did for them.
3. Delegate some other tasks to free up time for the tough cases.
4. See if a shift in schedule can help ease the burden
5. Call home and ask for someone else to get dinner ready
6. Do research at home while someone else gets dinner ready

Making that list took about two minutes. Your particular solution may not be in there, but at least you’ve given yourself some options for going forward.

Sometimes, you have to start with putting the problem aside until you are most capable of handling it well. Meditation and exercise are excellent ways to come down off the mountain so you can better problem solve. Don’t forget that exhaustion, hunger, and thirst can also make problems seem bigger than they are. A good night’s sleep, a healthy meal, or taking a break to drink some water before tackling the mountain can help.

Grief can make everything seem like a mountain. If you are grieving a loss, don’t make any big decisions until you are through that process. When I have lost a loved one, I’ve considered quitting my job, ending my relationship or selling my house. These were all knee-jerk reactions that had no logical basis. I was simply trying to run away from the pain.

If investigating your particular problem isn’t going well, ask an honest friend, a mentor, or a therapist to help you.  Asking for help is a strength – it takes guts to admit you can’t handle everything alone. Do whatever it takes to descend back to “see” level. Those mountains are much prettier at a distance!

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the position of the DrAndyRoark.com editorial team.

“Sometimes I really hate you!” I said to the writhing Dachshund in my arms.  He didn’t care. He kept wiggling madly as is his habit when I catch him trying to take off from the yard. Because of his cognitive dysfunction, he sometimes refuses to pee outside. He gets all jittery, tries to run past me into the house only to pee on the carpet.

Sometimes if I put him back in the grass, he’ll go. Sometimes he takes off. If I put a leash on him, it’s better for me but worse for him (he hates it).

My husband offered to go after him for me, but he wasn’t moving fast enough. I had lost sight of the little guy in the dark. I took off in my bare feet through the wet grass, cursing all the way. I scooped him up, and that’s when it happened. Those hateful words came out of my mouth, and I hated myself for saying them.

I’m ready to put him down. It hurts me in ways I have trouble talking about to see him like this. He doesn’t love me anymore. He hates to be held and cuddled. He paces and has accidents in the house. He’s anxious. He sleeps all the time. I’m ready for him to go, not because I feel like he’s suffering, but because I am. I don’t want to lose him, but I lost him a long time ago.

My husband still sees his buddy in there, which is easier for him, he isn’t in charge of his medical care. As his veterinarian, I’m looking for everything that’s wrong while he looks for everything that’s right.  He sees the dog who still runs around like crazy after a bath, can find a food puzzle no matter where I hide it (hell, sometimes I forget where I put it myself), and begs at the table. In those moments, I want to believe he’s back, too. Then he’ll run headlong into the counter because he can’t see. I shouldn’t worry about my words because he can’t hear me either.

Tomorrow he’ll act like nothing’s wrong, and the wound on my heart will be a little deeper for another day. I put him in his crate to give myself a break. I watched a movie that always makes me cry, so I’d have an excuse to release some of the hurt.

What I really needed was someone to love me, so I grabbed my healthy cat. I took him out on the back porch for a love session. I’ve been putting off his demands for attention because he doesn’t need me as badly as my baby and his broken brain.  He purred and kneaded and soothed my pain. His fluffy white hairs stuck to my cheeks, and it felt good for him to just love me without needing something from me. I smooched my cat and cried for my dog.  It helped.

I came inside for the final purge – to write it all down. I can admit how I feel in my head all I want. Until I put it down on paper, it isn’t real.  As I wrote and cried, I came to a realization. There’s no rush to let go of my boy, only the panic that comes with knowing I’ll have to eventually. In the meantime, he’s got excellent hospice care until we’re all ready. And when that time comes, I’ll give him the sendoff that all my patients receive.  I’ll give him this last gift that breaks my heart. And I’ll do it because, despite all the angry thoughts and words, I love him so much.

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the position of the DrAndyRoark.com editorial team.

Whether you’re giving it, receiving it or bestowing it upon yourself, forgiveness is one of the most beautiful things in our lives. Forgiveness is a universal healer. It doesn’t really matter if the person you’re forgiving knows it (unless that person is you) – forgiveness removes the dark stains of negativity from your heart and mind.

I can really hold a grudge, and it is exhausting. It also fills me with negativity and stunts my emotional growth. I have a hard time forgiving people who aren’t sorry for what they’ve done. The kicker is, whether they are sorry or not isn’t the least bit important. What’s important is me letting go of the hurt so I can heal and move on.

I saw a cartoon the other day of a little girl hanging from monkey bars. It said “The only way to move forward is to let go”. That really resonated with me. It was the perfect visual for the feeling I had of being suspended while wallowing in resentment. I’m working on developing the habit of letting go of anger and hurt and embracing the goodness around me. There are people who have hurt me badly over the years, most of whom I’ve cut off completely. While protecting myself from further damage at their hands, I forgot to protect against the damage I was doing to myself. It does no good to release someone from your life if you continue to relive all the things they did that hurt you. It’s like holding a porcupine tighter each time it stabs you with a quill.

Instead, I’ve decided to forgive. If I see them online, pass their neighborhood or town or hear news about them, I say “I forgive you”.  If I’m in a crowd, I say it to myself. If I’m alone, I say it out loud just to make sure I hear it.  The result has been that I feel happier. Each time I say the words, the memories get a little less vivid. The anger is a little less sharp. In some cases, I can’t work up any anger at all.

Forgiveness can feel like a gift to someone who doesn’t deserve it. It’s actually the opposite. Forgiveness does the most for the person who gives it. It’s a gift to YOU, not to the person you are forgiving. If you forgive yourself, it’s even better – you get to give and receive!

Like any skill, forgiveness takes practice. It’s not an end product. Like love, it’s something you must nurture and sustain. Try starving your grudges and feeding forgiveness for a month. Make sure you remember to forgive yourself as well. I’m betting that you’ll notice a new, happier, more peaceful you.

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the position of the DrAndyRoark.com editorial team.