Cash, check, credit or… what? Sometimes pet owners suggest some odd trades for veterinary services. While the DAR team agrees veterinary professionals should be compensated by traditional means, we had to laugh when asked the @DrAndyRoark Instagram followers to share some of their weirdest offers.
1. @mjrissmiller: I once went to someone’s house for nails and anal glands and was paid with a frozen turkey 😂
2. @kevlarknit: A mounted fish.
via GIPHY
3. @fionnthedwarfcat: A cheesecake for a (laceration) repair on a kitten.
4. @eepgirl_1979: We had a client want to change all of our lightbulbs for the vets cellphone number.
Have you been offered a strange barter for your services?
Tell us about it in the comments! Be sure to follow the @DrAndyRoark Instagram for your chance to be featured in a future post.
1. Hippogriffs – Some individuals take extra effort to gain their trust. 
Blast-ended skrewts are basically a designer breed that is created when two other magical creatures are cross-bred. They are noted as creatures that can burn, sting, and bite all at once. Okay, so maybe none of us work with any patients who can breathe fire and burn us, but we all have encountered animals who are dangerous to handle. The key to handling any creature, from blast-ended skrewts to tooth-fronted dogs, is to understand how best to approach them based on past experiences. If something works, record it and repeat it next time. If something doesn’t work, then make sure to write it down so that a different approach can be taken in the future. Don’t be a hero and ignore warnings from previous visits. Try not to make the same mistakes twice with your blast-ended skrewt patients.
Nifflers are rodent-like creatures that are gentle by nature but are attracted to anything sparkly and have even been known to destroy entire homes in their search for shiny objects. Unlike nifflers, most of us are not motivated by riches. If that is your sole motivation, you definitely chose the wrong profession! But like nifflers, sometimes finances can stress us out. Even if we aren’t in it for the money, we still work in a business with economic pressures: from achieving production bonuses to increasing ticket averages, or even making your student loan payments. Try not to let those financial pressures create tunnel vision. Focus on practicing medicine that makes you proud without damaging your emotional wellness. Appreciate the sparkle you come across without destroying your life as you attempt to obtain it. Don’t become a niffler.
Thestrals are winged, frightening-looking horses that are only visible to individuals who have witnessed death. Thestrals are useful modes of transportation to those who know they are there, but they are invisible to most people. In our hospital settings, there are many unsung heroes that go unseen by clients. From kennel workers to business managers, a lot of behind-the-scenes hard work goes into running veterinary practices. Some of these people go un-noticed and un-appreciated by us as well. Try to acknowledge the thestrals in your practice that are extremely valuable even if they don’t get the glory of others that are more visible.
5. Bowtruckles – Use bribes and distractions to get what you want.
Acromantula are dangerous giant spiders with extremely valuable venom. The venom can easily be obtained from the body of a recently deceased individual. In veterinary medicine, our large animal colleagues are very good at seeking information from post-mortem examinations. Sometimes we overlook the value of this in small animal medicine. Necropsy is not appropriate in every situation, but we all come across acromantula patients occasionally that can help us even after they pass.
Like other mythical phoenixes, Dumbledore’s bird has the ability to burst into flames and then be reborn from the ashes. But, what sets this phoenix apart is the healing power of its tears. Most people don’t think about tears having healing powers. We all have stories of cases that brought us to tears, and we shouldn’t be ashamed that we cried. This was difficult to me. There may be no crying in the game of Quidditch, but the same cannot be said for veterinary medicine. Not crying is acceptable too, but I have never had a client get upset because I cried. Our tears can help a client feel comfortable expressing their own grief. Crying can be a part of the healing process that can allow us to rise like a phoenix from the ashes and move on.
