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The Right Place for You Is Out There

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We hear so often about how toxic our work environment can be. Yes, we all know about the clients who can tear us down, but a larger and harder part of our field is when our own bosses or peers do it.

I once came from a clinic that was toxic in this sense – feigned compassion for staff, feeling as if nothing was ever good enough, constantly throwing one another under the bus, and never a true sense of camaraderie, especially from the ones in charge. You left for the day feeling defeated. I thought that was just the way it was. Then, my at-the-time fiancé got a new job and we had to move cities. Once I joined a new clinic, I saw what true compassion and kindness meant, and I was astounded. It’s like when one must go through a bad relationship to truly understand a healthy one.

I’ve worked at this new clinic for over a year now. I instantly felt at home there. It’s a cozy small animal clinic with one doctor that recently expanded to two. It was immediately clear that the doctors and staff would do whatever was in their power for their patients. The passion I felt rivaled my own. I knew this was the place I was meant to be.

Throughout this time, I have formed wonderful relationships with these people. This past September, I was lucky enough to be married to the love of my life and got to share that joy with my new work family. It was one of the happiest moments of my life, shortly met by one of the saddest.

I was pregnant, thought to about nine-weeks along. My boss and peers obviously knew, as there were certain things I could no longer do as a certified veterinary technician. We all shared in the excitement and had put on a contest for guessing things like what the gender would be and when the baby would be due. The winner got to be the first one to hold the baby out of the group.

When I went in for my first prenatal appointment, that excitement quickly turned into anxiety. After some routine diagnostics, my husband and I were sent to have an urgent ultrasound. There we received the bad news. They couldn’t detect a heartbeat. It turns out I had what is referred to as a silent miscarriage. I had likely miscarried a few weeks prior. I was devastated.

Fast forward a couple weeks and through a lot of details, I ended up having an emergency D & C.

Through all this, I cannot even begin to explain the kindness, the support, and the compassion I felt from my clinic. If I was having an emotionally draining day, they acknowledged it and let me do what I needed to do, whether that was working through it, making awkward jokes, or going home so I could cry in peace.

When I was physically in too much pain, there was no flack for the days of work I had to miss. There were times I couldn’t stop talking and days when I could barely speak. They understood when I couldn’t talk about it but were there to listen when I finally could. I cannot imagine having to go through this terribly hard situation without their support. I will never be able to fully express the gratitude I have towards every single caring person I have had the fortune to work beside. I am so proud to work at this clinic, with these people, my boss, my coworkers, my friends – my work family.

Today, November 13th is world kindness day, the reason I wrote this article. If you could take anything away from these words I wrote, remember that your “bad relationship” isn’t something you need to settle for. Don’t give up on your passion. There is the right place for you out there. A place with true understanding, compassion and kindness. Which, really, is all the same thing.

CMR, CML, CLS, JKA, ASP, and SCR, all I can ever offer is a simple thank you. And maybe some coffee.

-CJS, CVT
BBVC

There I Said It: Don’t Believe the Fairy Tales

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I’m a sucker for a good story. I love mythology. I love superhero movies. I love odysseys and sagas and epics from Homer to Neil Gaiman, Aesop to Joseph Campbell, Scheherazade to Stan Lee.

I read nonfiction too. I read about presidents and Nobel laureates and titans of business. I read about British country doctors and American revolutionaries and South African political leaders. I read about philosophy and decision-making and economics. I read, what seems to me, fairly often.

And sometimes I read about veterinarians on message boards or social media or in veterinary websites or publications. Often these stories are meant to be inspiring or uplifting or fulfilling. They’re meant to set an example for others to follow or imitate, of achievement to which we may aspire. But sometimes they stray a little far from fact in a way that can be troubling.

Sometimes I read of these things and sometimes they fall a little bit wide of the truth. Details of failure or loss or personal troubles not overcome are omitted. Stories about how veterinary medicine resulted in professional success but a failed marriage or lost friendship omit facts of infidelity or addiction or personal character flaws. Stories of veterinary medical triumph include the virtues of unrelenting, martyring work ethic and lack any acknowledgment to the support of spouse, mentor, classmates, colleagues, friends, or family. Stories of business or research accomplishment gloss over the incredible good fortune to have been in the right place at the right time. 

When we tell these stories of ourselves and our profession I think we ought to be cognizant and acknowledging of our humanity. You can work hard and be lucky. You can be smart and dedicated and still suffer from depression or mental illness. You can be a great doctor and an addict. You can work hard and fail. You can care and fail. You can be right and fail. You can fail and survive. You can fail and go on to succeed. You can simultaneously experience failure in some areas of your life while succeeding in others. In relating our stories I worry we sometimes spend a bit too much time polishing and displaying the highlight reel version of ourselves and neglect to cultivate humility, and in doing so set an unattainable standard for ourselves and our colleagues. 

I mentioned I love my heroes and a good story. But I think our stories have one kind of effect when we know they are gilded fiction, and another when we treat them as though they are an unadorned retelling of fact. It can be, I believe, harmful to paint purportedly realistic pictures of ourselves that omit the flaws and wrinkles and scars. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t failed or struggled or suffered to succeed, and I think we ought to be honest with one another about that.

I’m a sucker for a good story, and I think the stories we etch in the written word matter a great deal.

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the position of the DrAndyRoark.com editorial team.

“Adopt Don’t Shop.” Marketing Genius or Shaming Slogan?

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Originally “Adopt Don’t Shop” was created to bring attention to all the amazing pets available in shelters and rescues across the nation. The marketing technique was very effective and pet adoptions have continued to rise the past few years, along with the judgment of those who choose to buy from a breeder.  

One of the best parts of my job as a veterinarian is the new pet visit. Owner’s present their new family member with pride for the first exam. While performing a thorough exam, I always ask them to share the story of how they found the new addition. It helps me plan out any routine preventatives they need and allows me to connect and be excited with them about the new puppy or kitten.   

Recently though I have noticed a disturbing trend. Owners start speaking in an apologetic tone as they share that they purchased the pet from a breeder. This is often followed by a list of reasons why they chose to go to a breeder over getting a rescue. Or they tell stories of rescue fails that eventually sent them looking for something different. As a veterinarian, I believe the MOST IMPORTANT thing that should matter when you choose a new pet is that is the right pet for YOUR family.  

The implication that a pet is only worthy of a forever home if obtained from a shelter, rescue, or as a stray is misleading. It assumes two inaccurate ideas. One being that all rescue animals will be put to sleep unless YOU go out right now and save one. The second being that all breeders are evil and by purchasing a puppy from them you are supporting their evil, money-generating puppy mill empire.  

Using #adoptdontshop to promote intolerant behavior towards certain pets is aggravating. The guilt is intended to be placed on well-intentioned new pet owners. The perception that you are selfish or just plain immoral if you purchase a dog from a breeder is hurtful to all pets.  

I propose that there is a happy medium. It might not be as catchy, but I wish we could instead say Pick Your Next Pet Responsibly or Do Your Research and Find the Best Pet for You. There are responsible breeders in this world. They test for genetic mutations, breed for good behavior, and do not have too many litters a year. They often enter contracts with new owners stating they will forever be responsible for the puppies and want them back if it does not work out. Their primary concern is the health and wellbeing of their puppies and kittens. They want the RIGHT home and not just any home.  

Over and over I have seen the happiness BOTH rescue and intentionally bred pets have brought to their new owners. All pets need a home. Let us join together to encourage people seeking a new pet to make the best, well-informed decision for their family. That will be the best solution to keep pets in the home forever, no matter where they come from.   

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the position of the DrAndyRoark.com editorial team.

There, I Said It: I Was Gaslighted

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Are you familiar with the term “gaslighting?” You may be a victim of this form of abuse and not even know it. Gaslighting is a form of manipulation in which the gaslighter, in an attempt to gain power over an individual, tries to make them question their own sanity and themselves.

This can be a tough thing to go through, as talking to the gaslighter about it can make things even worse because you are threatening the power they are seeking in the first place. For me, I was the practice manager (aka wearer of all the hats), and the practice owner was the gaslighter.  

It seemed to come on suddenly. I was noticing mood changes from my boss and his personality seemed off. The funny thing was, it seemed to always be directed at me. Any time we were paired together in an appointment (as I said, I wore many hats) you could cut the tension with a knife. His face always seemed blank and stern when I was in the room. If I stepped one toe out of line he would be furious with me. 

Over a few weeks, it just progressed. He no longer worked in the office we shared and instead moved himself out to the floor. When I tried to strike up conversation it was met with short answers and dismissal. Was I crazy?

I would watch his interactions with other staff members and see a complete change. He was friendly, caring and supportive. He would laugh with them and have a good time (the way we used to be). I decided then to pull a co-worker aside and ask for her thoughts. Did she notice anything that I was noticing? She confirmed that my boss was acting very differently with me, and like me, she had no explanation. 

I began dreading going to work. I was always a very hard worker and was proud of all I had done for the practice. I had helped it grow and put in overtime hours every week to keep things running. Finally, I confronted my boss, and as I found out, this made things worse. He would tell me it was all in my head and that he was being perfectly pleasant. What was worse, he told me all of the other staff members thought I was not being a good manager. That I was cold, distant, hard to talk to – all of the things I felt he was doing to me. That’s when I knew something was very wrong. 

I checked in with the staff regularly one-on-one to see how they were doing and ask how I could help them. These conversations had always gone very well and I was thanked for my openness and kindness. I had cards on my desk with encouraging words of thanks from my team and even had the peer-to-peer performance review to prove it. What my boss was saying just couldn’t be true. 

So why was I being treated this way? I believe I will never really know. Perhaps it was jealousy? Many of the things I was in charge of as manager were things my boss wished he could do but couldn’t due to owner and doctor obligations keeping him busy. During this time I also noticed my boss was making some business calls that were out of character. Maybe it was stress outside of the workplace and I was the lucky one to receive the brunt of it? It could be something else entirely. In the end, though, his plan worked and I left.

It worked because I knew the value I brought to the practice. I knew my worth and my skills, and I knew I didn’t deserve to be treated this way. I took that value elsewhere where I am now incredibly happy and so is my new team. My old coworkers to this day have no idea why I left the practice. I didn’t want to risk tarnishing their love for their jobs, and I’m sure my old boss made up some story to ease their minds and justify my absence.

Being a gaslighter will do you no favors. It pushes people away, and chances are if you felt you needed to gaslight them in the first place, they were an asset. If you feel you may be a victim, remember your worth. You’re not crazy, you’re so amazing that others are threatened by you. 

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the position of the DrAndyRoark.com editorial team.

TISI: Veterinary Technicians Are At War and No One Is Talking About It

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Within veterinary medicine, there is a battle being waged in the trenches. Veterinary Technicians are in a fight for their careers – for respect and for fair wages. Credentialed technicians are battling for recognition and higher median salaries, all while managing patient loads, clients, DVMs and their outside lives.

Lack of title protection over existing credentialed terminology has led to unscrupulous people using titles they didn’t earn or that have been revoked due to unethical behavior. National and state organizations that are supposed to be supporting and promoting credentialed technicians are losing members or not engaging their membership. Corporate hospitals are hiring non-credentialed employees at lower wages. Technicians are being forced to work two, and sometimes three different jobs just to survive. Compassion fatigue and burnout are rampant and technicians are leaving the field more quickly than ever before. Suicide rates on veterinary medicine continue to rise. People are miserable.

What’s the solution? I wish I had a magic answer for that but the truth is, I don’t know. I do have some suggestions as to where to start. We need fresh voices. The way we’ve always done things clearly isn’t working anymore. The people who have always been in leadership positions need to take a moment and look around, and consider allowing new leaders to emerge. Times have changed. Hospitals have changed. People’s priorities have shifted. Discussions need to happen and those fresh voices need to be heard.

We can acknowledge that times have changed and move forward accordingly, or we can stay where we are, destroying our profession from within.

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the position of the DrAndyRoark.com editorial team.

TISI: I’m Tired of Bullying in Veterinary Medicine

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Mental health. Self-Care. Anxiety. Depression. Suicide.

These are all words that have come to the forefront of veterinary medicine in recent years. It is finally a topic that is being addressed in seminars, conferences and articles. It is a real problem.

I have heard many theories about why it is such a problem in our field. Intense/Type A personalities, chronic stress, high debt to income ratios, long hours, the desire to help everyone, mistreatment from clients, the loss of patients, coping with disease day after day… the list goes on. Many of us had some level of depression or anxiety before we went into vet med, so perhaps it is an even deeper issue of the types of people drawn to this field?

This last week, another factor has been on my mind. One that seems to be discussed less than the rest, but one that I suspect may be one of the biggest contributing factors. Maybe it is even an elephant in the room, and I’m not supposed to bring it up?

What is this factor? It isn’t what the world brings through the doors of our clinics. It is what WE bring through the doors of our clinics. It is work place bullying and emotional abuse, and I think it is a bigger problem than we want to admit.

This can occur in a number of forms, from a head tech bullying other support staff, to managers, owners and veterinarians bullying the other veterinarians or clinic staff. I am not talking about the occasional harsh remark or bad mood, I am referring to targeted-ongoing abuse.

This week, a technician I know and deeply respect was targeted, blamed and humiliated for a mistake that was absolutely the responsibility of the veterinarian she was working for. She was shamed and reprimanded by one veterinarian while the responsible veterinarian stood by and said nothing. Later, she was told that she would not be allowed to explain her side of the story and was demoted.

This cycle can become frighteningly similar to domestic abuse. The abuser gains a position of power and uses it to crush someone who doesn’t feel they can stand up to them. And the behavior continues. The victim is torn down enough that they feel they have little or no worth, and have nowhere to go, because who would want them? Some victims are in a healthier place and deal with or leave the situation quickly. Some stay until they can’t take it anymore and have to get out. But then, how to get out? How do you muster the strength to take a chance on finding a new position and moving on when you’ve been convinced you aren’t of value? What if you are dependent on the abuser for a good job reference? Some choose the ultimately tragic way to get out, having been effectively taught that their lives have no value.

In these situations, abuse from clients or the loss of a patient may be the straw that breaks the camel’s back, but perhaps we would all have more reserves to handle these situations if we built each other up instead of tearing each other down.

I hope that many who read this will not have experienced these issues, but I suspect the vast majority of people in this profession will know exactly what I’m talking about.

Perhaps the bullies in our clinics learned this habit from being bullied themselves? Perhaps it is an expression of “imposter syndrome,” the fear that we aren’t really perfect and someone will find us out? 

Fellow veterinarians: We work in a small world. The words we say about each other not only erode the public’s trust in our entire profession, but they can quickly get back to the veterinarian being talked about. Let’s stop tearing each other down. And let’s stop allowing bullying in our clinics.

We need to be aware of what is happening within our own walls. We need to pay attention to our managers and people in lead positions. When staff complains about being picked on or bullied, it should raise a red flag. 

Clinic owners, please learn to be leaders, not just bosses. Don’t let your managers (or clients) tear down your associates and support staff. Don’t feel the need to prove how much more skill and knowledge your experience has given you than your younger associates have. Don’t tear them down to build yourselves up. Support and teach them. Build them into great veterinarians. 

Veterinarians, remember that our techs are the backbone of the clinic. They catch so many of our mistakes for us that we can’t afford to blame them for the one they might miss if it was ultimately our mistake. We need to be leaders, admit our own humanity and admit our own mistakes. We need to eradicate the cycles of abuse from our clinics. Maybe if we are intentional about what WE bring into our clinics, maybe we’ll have the emotional reserves to handle everything else that comes through the door?

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the position of the DrAndyRoark.com editorial team.