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There I Said It

There, I Said It: I Want to Be a Stay-at-Home Mom

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I saw a PostSecret recently.  It was a postcard of the Stanford campus and said, “Stanford. I am ashamed to admit to my friends that even though I go to one of the top universities in the country, all I want to do is be a stay-at-home mom.”

I may not have attended one of the top universities in the country, but I was accepted into one of the most rigorous professions. I worked hard to be admitted to veterinary school. I studied and trained through blood, sweat, and tears to become a veterinarian.  I also struggled through blood, sweat, and tears to become a mother, and the day I gave birth and held my child as a mother I hold in infinitely higher regard than the day I walked across the stage and held my diploma as a veterinarian.

While I whole-heartedly intended on practicing for a good many years, when I had a child, all that changed.

I define myself as a veterinarian and a mother, and while there are many who succeed at combining the two, the demands of each in my case have fought a battle of time and love.  On the one hand, I want my child to see me working, having a career.  I do not want to lose the knowledge and skills I worked so hard to gain.  But on the other hand, I want to be there for my child, to be present, to be a teacher and a mother.  In the end, mother > veterinarian, for now.

My child is only going to be young for a short time.  Maybe when my child starts school, I will be able to make amends with my veterinarian-self and reconcile mother and veterinarian to go back to work.  In the meantime, I am privileged and oh-so-fortunate to be able to be a stay-at-home mom.  While I was ashamed to say it before, I will proudly say it now, “I love being a stay-at-home mom.”

I hope the Stanford student can work through her shame as I have done (although some shame will always linger in the background when seeing old classmates, friends, colleagues), and realize that being a stay-at-home mom is a worthy endeavor to be proud of.

The views and opinions featured on There, I Said It are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the position of the DrAndyRoark.com editorial team.

There, I Said It: Cats Aren’t Low Maintenance Pets

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For decades, cats have been considered low-maintenance pets. You would put food in a bowl and your cat lounged around your house, getting steadily fatter, until eventually it passed away. You could just let it outside for a while, if you needed to. Cats were easy – easier than dogs, for sure. Cats required little from pet owners and from veterinarians.

This mentality still persists among a large segment of the population, and it needs to change. If I hear one more person say, “it’s just a cat”, or “she’s sure needing a lot for a cat”, I may scream – or get my cat to claw some eyes out. The truth is, cats don’t bring in as much money for vet clinics as dogs do. Less than 50% of all owned cats will visit the vet each year. People are reluctant to spend as much money on their cats as they are on their dogs, and their expectations are far lower for what a cat will require. Did you know that cats should be on heartworm and flea preventive too? That you can – and should – learn to trim their nails, instead of getting annoyed when they scratch you? That cats deserve annual veterinary exams, since they age much faster than humans, and appropriate vaccination even if they live indoors?
Face it, world – the days of treating your cat as though they require nothing but food are over. You don’t have to walk your cat, but you do need to clean their litter box daily to keep it a pleasant, odor-free bathroom spot. You don’t need to play fetch with them, but you DO need to play with them – be it with a laser pointer, squeaky toy, catnip, or other way of providing a stimulating environment. You do need to provide a balanced, healthy diet for them – defy the common myth that cats just “get fat” as they age. Don’t just fill a bowl with food and leave them alone for days at a time – cats crave affection, touch, and attention as much as dogs, and they’ll wonder where you’ve gone and when you’ll get back.
When your cat is acting strange, don’t call them an “a**hole cat” or dismiss it with “cats are weird” or another platitude. Instead of being upset that your cat only eats food from the center of her bowl, research whisker fatigue and understand why it may be uncomfortable for her to eat from a bowl vs a plate. If your cat stops jumping or playing, using their litter box, or eating – take them to a veterinarian. Run tests. Spend money. Learn how to give them medication, and work proactively with your vet if it’s difficult. There’s been great advances in cat medication, from flavored liquids, to obscuring bad tastes with sweet ones, to transdermal formulations that can simply be rubbed into the ear.
Cats are no longer being treated as small dogs in veterinary medicine, and they deserve their owners to step up just as much. If your cat is stressed, figure out why and learn how you can make their environment more comfortable for them. Cats are so sensitive that even rearranging furniture can send them into a tailspin. Afford them the same amount of time, attention – and, yes, money – as you would a new puppy. Cats can even be trained – everything from sitting and shaking, to the ‘place’ command, to where is an appropriate place to scratch – if you have the patience and good rewards. Research why your cat reacts the way that they do, and why they have the needs that they have, instead of accepting half-truths, myths, and the pervasive stereotype that cats are just jerks. Your vet team is a great resource for fact-based cat knowledge.
The days of a cat being “just a cat” are ending, and it’s time to once and for all show that mentality the door. Don’t bring a cat into your home and expect it to be a ‘low-maintenance’ animal that will never be inconvenient, sick, or needy. Don’t bring a cat into your home if you’re not up to the challenge of giving these amazing animals a fulfilling, comfortable, healthy, and rewarding life.

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The views and opinions featured on There, I Said It are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the position of the DrAndyRoark.com editorial team.

10 Things You Should Know About Suicide

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We skirt the cage this tiger circles in. We’ve been taught over decades to walk carefully around this topic and its people like they are in the middle of a mandala and the path is eggshells. I remember being told if we talked about it, then people would do it.  We’d best just keep quiet.

It triggered me even then.  If someone is asking you to keep a secret and it’s not about something fun, something is wrong. Alarm bells should be going off.  Why don’t you want to talk about this?  What makes you so uncomfortable?  I suspect that it’s not having all the answers.  I suspect it’s being afraid of saying the wrong things.  I suspect it’s feeling responsible.  I suspect it’s helplessness and a lack of understanding.  I remember thinking, “Why don’t they want to talk about me?”

What can you do?

You can educate yourself about suicide, about symptoms and signs.  You can have open, non-judgmental conversations with your colleagues and your co-workers about suicide.  You can speak up against the pervasive suicide shaming and misinformation in our culture.

There are plenty of myths that are still pervasive in culture in general about suicide and suicidality.  Let’s debunk them here, not for the first time, and not for the last, but as a solid reminder:

Myth: People who try to kill themselves are mentally ill.

Fact: Mental health, well-being, and balance are topics that are just now being brought to the forefront of conversations about suicide in the veterinary profession. While mental illness may predispose an individual to suicidal thoughts, many suicidal individuals are not struggling with mental illness. They may instead be suffering from extreme distress and emotional pain, which are not necessarily signs of mental illness. The stigma surrounding mental health crisis, suicidality, and depression prevents these individuals from speaking out as openly as we need them to and they need to get help.

Myth: People who talk about suicide don’t do it.

Fact: Most everyone who attempts suicide has given verbal clues.  No matter how casually offhand comments are made, they should be taken seriously.

Myth: If a person has made a plan to kill themselves, nothing is going to stop them.

Fact: Suicide isn’t about dying.  It’s about stopping pain. The impulse to end it all, however overpowering, does not last forever.

Myth: Talking about suicide may give someone the idea.

Fact: You don’t give a suicidal person ideas by talking about suicide. Removing the stigma surrounding the subject of suicide and discussing it openly is one of the most helpful things you can do.

Here are a few things I’d like you to know about suicide:

  1. We work in your clinics.  We are your top performers.  We work in industry. We are world-renowned speakers.  You don’t just act shocked when we take our lives, you are shocked because you didn’t notice.
  2. We have gotten help and yes if we were prescribed medication we are probably taking it. This issue isn’t about getting into counseling or getting onto the right drug regimen.  Those things help, but it’s deeper.  Studies of suicide victims have shown that more than half had sought medical help in the six months prior to their deaths.
  3. Suicide isn’t selfish, but it also isn’t about you.
  4. Suicide isn’t cowardly either. It’s literally a choice someone made and it’s not your place to judge.
  5. Committing to suicide is not a brief process, it takes time, thought, research, and a great deal of soul searching. Suicide is for so many people the choice they are making to escape unbearable pain.
  6. There are warning signs. If you see us exhibiting these behaviors, reach out.  Please let us know that you are concerned about us and why.  Ask how you can help.
  7. Don’t know what to say, that’s okay. Dial the crisis line number and sit next to them while they talk.
  8. Don’t minimize how this feels for us. It’s totally okay to say, “I don’t have any idea what you’re going through” or to ask, “how does this feel” and “what does tomorrow look like?” But telling us “we have so much to live for” isn’t the right tact.
  9. We aren’t contagious. When one of us speaks up, it is a bright light in a dark place and it allows for others to speak up. While we’ve made tremendous roads regarding mental health in veterinary medicine, it’s time that the stigma surrounding suicide fall aside.
  10. Suicidality doesn’t have to define who we are and it absolutely does not have to define who we were.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline – Suicide prevention telephone hotline funded by the U.S. government. Provides free, 24-hour assistance. 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Crisis Text Hotline – Text HOME to 741741 from anywhere in the USA, anytime, about any type of crisis.

The views and opinions featured on There, I Said It are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the position of the DrAndyRoark.com editorial team.

There, I Said It: Don’t Just Complain, Do Something

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It’s tempting after a long week, or even on a Monday to huddle around leftover cake in the break room like it’s a life raft, or the bar a block away to talk about how it would be different if you were running things.

I’m going to be honest, not all of your ideas are crap.  Some of them have great potential, but pouring them out to your coworkers over drinks and rants that are borderline rage aren’t going to get you very far.   The veterinary world is really small, the rumors will travel, and you’ll end up with a reputation you didn’t anticipate and won’t serve your goals.

Here’s an idea to do instead: Get involved.  It’s easy, anyone can do it. Check in with your local technician or veterinary associations; they are always looking for people to man booths at job fairs and conferences.  Get to know people.  Moderate at your favorite CE conferences.  Offer to moderate for tracks that interest you.  Bonus, you usually get more than just awesome CE out of moderating: there are usually gifts, moderator meals, and discounted registration.  It’s a tremendous networking opportunity.

Don’t know who to talk to first?  Talk to your local reps who come in to the clinic.  They are your number one fan.  To start off with, most of them were you. Most industry reps came out of practice at one point and they have a tremendous amount of insight to offer.  Find the information booth at the next conference you’re at and ask the how you can help this year or next.

It’s tempting to rant around that stale leftover cake about how technicians don’t have enough respect and how a client asked you what you did today, but the burden of that isn’t on NAVTA.  It’s not on your state organization.  That burden is on you.  It’s on you to educate your clients, to educate your colleagues, and be to involved at every level.

Volunteer at local schools and grab some of that enthusiasm and let it carry your cause.  Speak up and be present.  The vocal minority has a voice, but the voice that brings action with it will always have a better shot at swaying the votes.

Your perspective is unique.  You got into this field along your own path and with your own story.  The path you’ve taken isn’t the same as mine and I’m grateful for that.  You’ve got much experience to teach me. Maybe you had a lot more dentistry training than I did, or that magic moment where you get perfect radiographs. The 15 years of experience I had in emergency and critical care reflects getting those IV catheters in crashing patients every time.

We make a tremendous team when we share our resource and we pool our knowledge. What if we did that? What if we networked and shared our resources instead of hoarding them?  What if you chose to be a mentor, and shared knowledge and resources with someone who would benefit from them?  What if you were the catalyst to the next stage in their career?

Someone is waiting on you to make the move because they believe in you.  They believe you are braver than you think you are. No matter your cause, get out there, be kind, and make a difference.

The views and opinions featured on There, I Said It are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the position of the DrAndyRoark.com editorial team.

How I Really Feel About Yoga Pants and Conferences

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With two of the biggest conferences in the States just around the bend, one DrAndyRoark.com reader has some advice for those who bemoan the sight of attendees in athleisure at veterinary CE events:

Yoga pants. You are spending this lecture focused on what I am wearing and how unprofessional I am.  You have gone so far as to snap a quick, but not unnoticed picture of me, posted it on your Twitter, and put it up in your private veterinary Facebook group.

What would make my yoga pants acceptable to you?  A recent c-section or gallbladder surgery? What about the death of a parent, severe social anxiety, or my luggage being lost at the airport? Stop for a moment. Did you just ask yourself, “What would make this acceptable to me?” Why?  Why do you care what I’m wearing? I showed up at this conference to learn, not to be judged.  Why are you here?

The truth is, what I wear does not impact your learning.  Your scorn does impact my quality of life.  It impacts how other people see me, people who don’t know me.  Come to think of it, you don’t know me.  Your post and your criticism of a stranger does, however, speak volumes about you.  How I dress at a veterinary conference that does not have a dress code does not impact you.

How you treat other people behind their backs and in front of the world does have an impact. It impacts your colleagues and how everyone who sees your posts perceives the veterinary community.  The problem is you, not what I am wearing.

I understand that you feel strongly that how I dress at a veterinary conference is a representation of the profession and you think I’m a poor representative.  You think I’m unprofessional. Would you rather I didn’t come to continuing education? Would the profession be better off without me?  Are you ready to make that call?  Your judgment says yes.

When the next veterinarian or support staff member commits suicide (that will be sometime this week), you will post about how tragic it is. You will quote #NotOneMoreVet.  You will speak of how you want to be part of the solution.  You will be outraged. Nearly as outraged as when I wear yoga pants to a veterinary conference.

Buddha has been credited with saying, “If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind?” Everything else is gossip. Gossip is insidious.  It is ugly and it is pervasive in our community.  It alienates people at best and at worst it drives them from the field entirely, or to suicide. The solution does start with you.  It starts with compassion, focusing on what matters, keeping kindness at your forefront, and my photo off your phone and your social media.

The next time you are at a conference and you catch yourself judging how someone is dressed, here are four things you can do instead:

1.Turn to the person closest to you that you don’t know and introduce yourself.

Turning your focus to purposeful and meaningful engagement with another person will make you feel less lonely and less likely to be critical of others.

2. Walk out to the information booth and ask if they need any additional moderators.

That’s right, turn that energy into something positive.  Hands down, conferences always need extra help and volunteering will make you feel good about yourself.  When you feel good about you, you’re kinder to others.

3. Raise your hand in a lecture and ask a question.

It’s not so easy when the focus is on you, is it? Turning the table to draw attention to yourself and putting yourself out on a limb is a great technique to staying humble.

4. Text or call a therapist.

No, seriously, reach out to a professional.  Let them know you are struggling with criticizing your colleagues and that isn’t the person you want to be.

“It’s not what you look at that matters.  It’s what you see.”  -Henry David Thoreau

The views and opinions featured on There, I Said It are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the position of the DrAndyRoark.com editorial team.

There, I Said It: Nursing is Not a Special Accommodation

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By Anonymous

 

You do not want make the moms angry.

 

Here is the reality of working in a majority female medical profession:

 

1 – A lot of us are mothers

2 – We are required to get continuing education

 

So, a decent percentage of us at any time need to feed our babies AND get continuing education at the same time.

 

Since many states have limits on how much continuing education can be pursued online or because many of us prefer in-person continuing education, that means moms need a place to nurse or pump at such conferences.

 

This should not be a surprise. Nor should it be challenging to provide.

 

It would be very rare for a place providing continuing education to not also be a workplace. By law, workplaces should be able to provide “a place, other than a bathroom, that is shielded from view and free from intrusion from coworkers and the public, which may be used by an employee to express breast milk.[1]”

 

Women who make up 50% of our population should be able to perform normal bodily functions in peace and safety.

 

Recently, a veterinarian who was nursing attended sponsored continuing education event and asked for a space to pump.  Without going into the uglier details, she was directed to use a bathroom. Even when clean, bathrooms are not considered sanitary places to produce breastmilk that will be fed to an infant.

 

She was later told in writing that she should have let them know in advance about her need for “special accommodation.”

 

Frankly, many women do not consider performing this non-pathologic, natural, and common bodily function as something that requires “special accommodation.”

 

As a nursing mother myself, when I attended the AVMA convention this year, I certainly wouldn’t have thought to call ahead for a “special accommodation.”

 

Luckily, the veterinary moms from around the world have each others’ backs. They have banded together to try and help prevent things like this from happening again.

 

After discussing the less than ideal pumping conditions at one convention this year, several other conferencest appear to be making concerted efforts to provide more comfortable nursing spaces and a welcoming atmosphere for mothers.

 

Our profession is small. Even if you are not a mother in our field, you likely care about one. Many of us in the veterinary profession are friends with women and mothers in other medical professions too.

 

As the world grows smaller every day, not only are companies who recognize the realities of life as a woman doing the right thing, they helping ensure their financial survival.

 

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The views and opinions featured on There, I Said It are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the position of the DrAndyRoark.com editorial team.

 

[1] https://www.dol.gov/whd/nursingmothers/faqBTNM.htm